Jesus Punx

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New name… same amazing content…

More confession…

Go to a Chinese Buffet and watch how fast people “bum rush” the food. Perhaps you have seen it. Some family whose gross weight equals that of a loaded dump truck, running (walking very fast) to the buffet as if they were starving to death or as if the Chinese restaurant was going to run out of food. I have actually been run over and pushed out of the way buy these people trying to get an egg roll or egg foo young. I usually keep my cool and mumble some profanity under my breath as I pray they choke on a piece of General Tso’s Chicken. The last time this happen I forgot to use my “inside voice” as I slandered the persons character in front of the restaurant staff and customers. OOPS!!! I cannot handle it… I completly loose my cool. It is so bad, I usually wait until lunch or dinner hours are over to go… so I don’t get stressed out before I eat.

This is the very reason I do not go to Hell-Mart (Wal-Mart). Seriously, I do not go into the store, EVER!!! 99% of the times I have gone I get so stressed out that I am looking for a reason to smash the cart into someone and get my “Ultimate Fight” on. I go to get fruit and veggies in a good mood and I leave wanting to do bodily harm to people… no good. I have literally had a cart full of groceries and gotten so angry I left the cart in the middle of the isle and walked out.

This leads me to today… I did not realize that everyone in my city followed me to the grocery store. Seriously, it was bumper to bumper carts. I damn near caused a riot at the bakery looking for the right kind of whole wheat bread. There was a 400 year old man in from of the apples trying to find the perfect ones. Me and this lady looked at each other and kind of snickered at the guy because we were thinking the same thing… We were going to smash into this guy on either side with our carts, send him to see Jesus so we could get our apples before the rotted in the box. Good Grief… The same thing happened in the cheese section. There was a lady taking up the whole section with her cart and she was touching all the bags of shredded cheese. supwitdat? After giving her some hateful looks I was in the process of going linebacker on her, she allowed me to reach in and get the shredded, processed dairy I was looking for.

This is why I do not go to after Thanksgiving or Christmas sales. If I shopped on the day after Thanksgiving I would be going jail ministry from the inside out… seriously. It would be a blood bath. This is the very same reason (one of them) I moved closer to work. Bumper to bumper interstate traffic completely stresses me out. It is a good thing I do not carry a gun. Jail ministry would be a reality. I tried standing in the middle of 19,000 people at a Creed concert one time… oh my goodness… I thought I was going to die and carry those within arms length with me.

This is the very reason I am afraid of going to New York City with Wendy. I have seen the pictures and heard the stories. Elbows and assholes for blocks and blocks. No thank you…

Crying like a Prom Queen…

I am not an emotional person.  However, when Jesus manifest himself in my life that is clearly obvious for me to see, I cry like a teenage prom queen.  I know that is not very ‘manly’.  This happened once last week and once this week.  I have been working on this project at work that has been busting my nuggets for weeks.  I finally came to the point where I gave up.  Sitting in front of the server after the 6th or 7th error I told God, “I am done…  You are sovereign, you know this server better than I do, you know how it needs to be configured to work correctly…  You do it!!!  I am going to lunch.”  So after getting back from lunch I remembered a ’setting’ that needed to be changed.  I made the change and the error stopped.  I broke down right there in front of the server.  Crying like I had been crowned Miss America.  It was at that point I started praying out loud…  I could not control it…  Thanking God for his sovereignty, grace, and personal involvement in my life.

So Monday, configuring the software on the server I ran into another issue.  Everything I did was blowing the software up.  Once again, “God this is your computer and if you don’t fix it I am jacked!!!”  God id so faithful…  Things came together and I was able to configure the software.  I threw my hands up, started praying, and crying like the afore mentioned prom queen.

This is part of the paradigm shift I am trying to cultivate in my work environment.  I am coming to the conclusion the only thing I can do in my own power is screw up.  I have to surrender everything to Jesus.  I cannot do anything…  It required Jesus power and guidance.

Jesus increase my faith…  Forgive me for my lack of faith…

Francis Schaeffer is my Homeboy!!!

So ‘by chance’ I was rummaging through some of my old books.  Several years ago I was devouring Francis Schaeffer’s book, sermons, teachings, and essays.  Francis was a knickers wearing, goatee sporting, long haired bad ass!!!  He was/is a modern day prophet.  His words are full of conviction and power, as if he had a tap straight on to God’s keg. 

So I picked up the book ‘True Spirituality’ which I had read several years ago.  It was cool to see all my underlining and notes in the margins.  I started reading it as I was chilling in the Jacuzzi.  I was absolutely blown away.  In less than 12 pages Francis pull all my wresting with work and ministry in perspective.  I am still trying to soak it all in.

“When does proper desire become coveting?… First, I am to love God enough to be contented; second, I am to love men enough not to envy.”  BAM!!!  If I do not love God enough to be contented there is an issue of coveting.  I am in essence telling God that his love is not enough to satisfy and more is needed.  That is so heavy and convicting.   Not to mention that I should be completely satisfied with God’s provision such that I do not become envious of others life, status, or possessions.  Truly amazing.

I just want to love God to the point that nothing else matters…

Unlikely inspiration

As I look around in Christianity/Emerging/Missional/Church culture I notice, for me, there are very few people I draw inspiration from.  There are a few guys I really pay attention too…  Mark Driscoll, Tim Keller, John Piper.

I think the issue is identification.  Where are the guys like me?  Those that know me know I do not fit into the traditional stereotype of what a Christian should look or act like.  Guys like Chuckk Gewig are good inspiration…  Harley Riding, Tattoo sporting, Jesus follower who is ministering to youth and their families.  Where are the Christian bad asses?  The tough guys who think it is neither queer or feminine to talk, walk, and live Jesus openly in culture.

Perhaps some would think it is wrong to want to live a “Rock Star”, high profile, passionate life for Jesus.  There are some guys in church planting/Christian circles that attempt the “Jesus, Rock Star” life…  But…  It comes across really cheesy, plastic, and cliché.  It reminds me of the Principle of the Christian school in the movie “Saved”.  “What are you doing for the G.O.D…  WWJD.”  Now I think I am going to puke…

My point for this is that I personally have been inspired from 2 very unlikely sources.  Neither of these men are Christians or claim to follow Jesus.  The prophet Scott Stapp once said, “Passion breeds followers”.  In the case of these two guys it is true.  There names are Brandon Bond and Noah Levine.

Brandon is the owner of All to Nothing Tattoo Studio in Atlanta.  He is one of the most published and celebrated tattoo artist in the industry.  His whole goal in life is world domination in the tattoo industry.  Love him or hate him this guy is passionate and works relentlessly to achieve his goals.  By all rights he is an industry “Rock Star”.  This guy works 14-16 hours a day.  Loves and takes care of his studio staff like family.  Brandon is a Gorilla marketing genius.  Enlisting hundreds of volunteers to help get the word out about his studio, artist, books, DVD’s, websites,  Convention appearances, parties, etc.  These guys are on every social networking website available.  The stuff this guy is involved in would freak most Christians out.

Noah is a Buddhist practitioner.  Noah has an interesting story that writes about in his book “Dharma Punx”.  Noah was part of the Southern California Punk Rock scene. A rebellious and troubled teen…  Noah ended up with 3 felony convictions before he was 21.  He was in and out of detention centers and jail.  One day, through the instruction of his dad, he tried meditation.  From that point on he has given his life to Buddhist practice and meditation.  Noah has a new book coming out next month called “Against the Stream”.  He has teachings and videos on the internet.  Noah has a new documentary out called “Meditate and Destroy”.  He is passionate about his practice because he found it to be life changing.  He has spent time traveling the world in the relentless search for “truth” and “meaning”.  Spending time in monasteries, teaching, meeting the Dali Lama.  Noah has connected with people who are disenfranchises and societies outcast, who are seeking spiritual meaning and significance in their life.

So what draws me to these guys.  It is their passion and drive.  It is their relentless pursuit of goals and beliefs.  These guys are leaders.  Even though their lifestyle or belief is the antithesis of Christian belief they are for more dedicate and evangelistic than most Christ followers.  Did you know that most software companies are picking up the term “evangelist” as they market and promote their software.

Another thing that inspires me about these guys is that they are “touchable”.  They are doing life with people.  They are investing time, money, resources, effort in to people.

So what is keeping those of us who are followers of Jesus from being completely sold out, driven, and passionate for the gospel of Jesus.  I am not talking about bubble gum/cheese puff Christianity.  I am talking about no holds bar, masculine, social, in your face, gospel.  Taking the approach of Brandon and Noah…  What would this look like fleshed out in the Christian world?  Creative, passionate, hard working, zealous, against the status quo, full on for Jesus and the gospel.

These guys are visionaries…  World changers…  Am I?  Do I have what it takes?

Quick update…

30 days… I have been given 30 days to complete my main project at work.  Finish or…  ?  Who knows…  On this project I am flying blind.  Very little to go on.  It is like building a house without blueprints or a checklist.  Lots of trial and error.  Lots of do and undo.  I am a bit uneasy about the whole thing.  Stressful to say the least.  My goatee is turning gray as proof.  Press on…

I had my first opportunity to teach/facilitate Journey Group Wednesday.  It had been several years since I have taught/preached/lectured from the scriptures.  I felt a bit uneasy trying to make certain points and felt like I was rambling a bit.  When you don’t your the “tool” it gets dull and rusty.  It will come back in time.  There is nothing like giving “blunt force trauma” by the scriptures.  lol.  I really appreciated the opportunity to get back in the saddle.  God be glorified.  Bob gave some good advice about work situations.  So Thursday I took his advice and armed myself with a different attitude and completely focused on working “as unto the Lord”.  It makes a difference…  I am excited about trying it again next week.

I sat in the tattoo chair yesterday for 6 1/2 hours yesterday.  I did amazingly well.  It may have been the location or the 8 Advil.  We finished up the major color on my arm.  In 2 weeks we Greg will do some touch ups and background and we will call it finished.  When it is all said and done my forearm will have over 20 hours of work on it.  I wont mention the bank account ;-(

Time for some more Advil…  We have pain…

Jesus wrecked my life…

The closer I try to get to Jesus the more his holiness exposes the junk in my life.  As I have been studying for my Colossians debut at Journey group the more I feel the need to repent.  The portion  of Colossians in Chapter 3:10-17.  There are some things we are to “put on” and some things we are to “let in”.  It is convicting how little of this stuff I “put on”.

Some of the parallel passages on Ephesians Galatians, and Corinthians use the phrase “put on Christ”.  These character qualities are simply the same character qualities as Jesus left as an example…

1 Peter 2:21-25  For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.

The closer I get to Jesus the more my vision and priorities change.  Lets face it, being a true Christ follower will completely wreck your life.  The closer I get to Jesus the less sense the life makes.  The more I think of following Jesus with a ‘reckless abandon’.  I think of Peter, Andrew, James, and John who left their boats and nets and followed Jesus.  I want that kind of faith.

More later…

Revelation

I finished reading through the New Testament last night.  Revelation is such an amazing book.  I remember reading it in the past and being terrified of all mayhem that was going on.  This time reading through Revelation I felt like I was at a pep rally for Jesus.  I was so excited to read about Jesus kicking butt and taking names.  Fire, blood, battles in heaven, resurrection, a new city…  Jesus with a big tattoo running down his leg that says “King of Kings and Lord of Lords”.  I finished up reading around 11pm last night and I felt like running around the neighborhood, jumping up in the air with a huge sword, shouting, “Jesus Wins”.

So now, I think I want to focus on doing some book studies.  I will probably begin reading through the Old Testament.  This section in Colossians I have been preparing to teach Wednesday has been really good.  I am looking forward to being able to ‘lead’ a discussion about it.

Teaching and Preaching Jesus from the Scripture

This is an amazing series of videos provided by Mark Driscoll and http://theresurgence.com on “Teaching and Preaching Jesus from the Scripture”. Every pastor, church leader, deacon, church planter, bible teacher, and Christ follower should watch these videos. Mark addresses many of the problems and issues that that are happening in church pulpits. He also provides solutions to these issues. This is hard hitting!!!

Lesson #1

Lesson #2

Lesson #3

Lesson #4

Lesson #5

Tripping Offline…

Anxiety – is a normal reaction to stress. It helps one deal with tense situations in the office, study harder for an exam, keep focused on an important speech. In general, it helps one cope. But when anxiety becomes an excessive, irrational dread of everyday situations, it has become a disabling disorder.

Panic attacks – are sudden surges of overwhelming fear that that comes without warning and without any obvious reason. It is far more intense than having anxiety or the feeling of being ’stressed out’ that most people experience. One out of every 75 people worldwide will experience a panic attack at one time in their lives.

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

OOPS!!!

So driving to work today “it” happened with all the classic symptoms. It is a miracle I did not wreck the jeep. It is one things have a panic/anxiety attack while at home. It is something completely different when you are driving. Especially something that drives like a 3000 pound 4-wheeler. I don’t attribute this type of thing exclusively to evil, spiritual forces. I do however realize that the enemy (Satan/devils) has his targets and would just as soon run those of us who walk with Jesus over with a bus as to listen or look at us.

I do also realize that this type of thing has much to do with stress. As I was trying to explain last night at Theo Pub… I feel as though my life is a constant wrestling match. There is always tension. Don’t view this as a bad thing. It is the way I process everything. Perhaps because of my former theological training or more so from enduring years of spiritual abuse and jacked up relationships… I have to deconstruct everything spiritual and then reconstruct it. It is like working a Rubik’s cube without know the pattern to solve the puzzle. This requires an inordinate amount if thinking, meditating, praying, study and writing. I can only imagine what people will say when they read my journals when I am dead and gone. They will probably assume I was some schizophrenic nut job who lived in a padded, white, room.

Anyway, as I was trying to keep everything together as I was ‘flipping out’ I just started praying out loud… “I just want to be like Jesus… I just want to serve Jesus…”

Having a few hours to reflect on it and letting the adrenaline filter out of my body I think I can sum it up like this…

I just want my life to count for Jesus. I don’t want waste my life or work in vain. I look back over the last 15 years and I realize I have pissed away a lot of time and effort. When I get to the end of my life I do not want to look back with regret.. There is already too much of that… Busted friendships and relationships… Botched testimony… Questionable credibility…

I just want God to be glorified in me…